Does time heal everything?

Who said time heals everything? It’s been five years, yes five long years, and the pain hasn’t healed at all. Maybe it’s just got easier to bare the pain, easier to cope with things. Had it healed, maybe I would have had a reason to celebrate this day!

Wish I could celebrate it as any other festival, but no. I’m unable to, for two reasons. One I have got used to the amount of pain and memories associated with this particular day bring in and the other, somebody else, who like me might have had millions of dreams before entering the wedlock on this day, now might have same million reasons to curse her fate, curse this day!

A day which was supposed to be a “Red Letter Day”, as someone had mentioned to me very proudly, is in no way remains so. If not for anybody, at least for the girl, ok let me call her my friend to make things simple! After getting divorce, I don’t think either she or her family will ever be able to rejoice this day, as it also happens to be her wedding anniversary…

It’s been five years, five long years, since I celebrated Ganesha Chaturthi, the way we did before my wedding. I thought, maybe this year I would, but no. Her hapless face came to my mind and the day started badly.

I did celebrate Gowri festival yesterday and I was happy too, even though I missed my family very badly. I thought I would manage to celebrate Ganesha festival too, but some memories are too strong to forget, some pains are too hard to let go.

Every single word echoes in my ears, the words which I had not expected, which I can’t forget till my last breath. As years pass by, I see how the amount of pain I have gone through is bouncing back on the perpetrators and all I say is time doesn’t heal the pain, but it makes us mature enough to bare the pain, easier to cope with things.

Today, standing here, away from those people, away from those taunting words, I look back and console myself at least I’m able to do so many things, at least I have learnt something – to face life, to face good and unfortunately, often bad people, to wait patiently and courage to look back into the past, into the good and bad memories.

Now, at this stage, I don’t think I have that many regrets, of taking decisions and of waiting patiently to see my day coming, even though it has been a long and lone journey. I think people who made me to wait to go through this journey have realized it, if not, they will, very soon… And I wish at least next year, I will be able to celebrate this festival, with due sympathies to my friend, hope she gets all the courage to face those people and the world, and I’m sure she will!

Happy Gowri and Ganesha Festival J   

Married women drink more

Gone are the days when weddings used to draw a line for freedom when it comes to drinks and parties. I have come across women who enjoy drinks and parties even the more after their weddings, thanks to the supporting husband, or rather call a husband who is also indulgent in such things.

And to support my view, today, I came across a report which said that a recent research has found that married women are more likely to drink than their unmarried counterparts -- single, divorced, or widowed.  Men, on the other hand, are less likely to drink when they're married. I doubt if they do, as I have seen women giving company to their husbands while drinking! Maybe a teetotaler wife’s threat might make a man to drink less. 

And yes, Corinne Reczek of the University of Cincinnati, also supports this. "We suspect that men and women may converge in marriage. Wherein women's alcohol use is higher due to the influence of their drinking husbands, while men's declines due to their wives, who tend to drink more moderately."

Reczek and colleagues presented their findings at last weekend's American Sociological Association meeting in Denver. For their research, they studied data from three separate surveys, including one long-term survey that provided information on more than 5,000 Wisconsin residents' alcohol habits, gathered four times during a 47-year period.

Researchers noted that overall, men drink more than women, and that women's increased drinking after marriage might be an attempt to match their husband's habits. Reczek said that she was shocked by the finding that married women drink more than those who are divorced or never married, which "flies in the face of what we thought we knew about marriage and alcohol".

Yes, even I was shocked for the first time to learn the fact that most of my hubby’s friends’ wives join their partners in drinking and I look very odd in their company, or they might be thinking I’m too conservative and out of place, or maybe I’m too rural type for their company! Ah, whatever. My principles remain intact and I know I would be a teetotaler for the rest of my life too.  

Richard Ager, associate professor at New Orleans' Tulane School of Social Work, said he isn't surprised. “People tend to do what others in the same flock do, if you spend more time with individuals that have a higher incidence of doing drugs or alcohol you will develop similar habits. People tend to engage in the behaviors of people they surround themselves with.”

Hmm, I agree that people tend to do what others in the same flock do, but following others can’t be merely blind. I’ve been in the company of people who drink, smoke, consume tea, coffee, milk, and I’m surprised how could they not influence me? Am I so stubborn? Maybe, when it comes to my principles and I would never take a chance of breaking them, and there has never been a need to do so. I never get tempted to drink tea or coffee, let alone alcohol.  

As women drink more to match their men, men in turn tone it down and imbibe less - especially those who are happily married, according to the research. And recently, one of our friends asked me why I don’t drink and when I said I never felt for the need of it, he bluntly said: “You are wasting your life!” And I looked at his wife who was full in smiles and nodded agreeing and she was more than happy to tell me that she gave company to her husband whenever he drinks!

Sorry, my upbringing is different, my culture and tradition is different. Even though I argue for feminist things and women’s freedom, I don’t see any base in arguing for women drinking alcohol and if that would make them equal to men. I have friends and colleagues who drink and smoke, but never ever have I felt that I should follow them.

Moreover, it hurts to see how westerners don’t believe when I say I’m a teetotaler and join them for drinks in parties. After all, they have seen several Indian women taking drinks, smoking cigarettes in parties and westerners are under the impression that we, Indian women, drink regularly at social gatherings!

Women see it as a freedom from the barriers of their own country when they go abroad, or even to other states or cities for higher studies or for work and they simply forget that basic fact that people often generalize things. Because not all people will come to visit our place or country, our behaviour leaves an impression on them and they generalize things, including the behaviour and habits, which is really unfortunate. It’s like after the Slumdog Millionaire, the whole world thinks India is a country of slums!    

       

Coming back to the research, it also looked at what happens when marriage goes wrong. Divorced men reported drinking far more alcohol than married men, while divorced women drank less than married women. "Men who divorce may cope with stress using alcohol use, wherein women are shown to cope with stress in more internalising ways, including depression," Reczek said. It’s strange, but another fact!

Love Jihad resurfaces

Love Jihad has once again hits the headlines and this time it’s in Kerala. The Christian community in Kerala has reportedly expressed its concern about love jihad and according to the Global Council of Indian Christians, it has “victimized” 2,868 women so far.

The latest case of love jihad involves a Christian woman from Kochi, who left her husband and married the driver of a school bus. Later, she was arrested for allegedly supplying SIM cards to Lashkar-e-Taiba operative Thadiyantavide Nazir, who is currently in prison.

Dr Sajan K George, president of the Global Council of Indian Christians, said that Deepa Cheriyan converted to Islam and changed her name to Shahina. Deepa, whose husband works in the Middle East, had an affair with Naushad, who was working as a driver.

Dr George believes that Deepa, like many others, is a victim of love jihad. This issue even piqued US interest. The US diplomats in their report from Chennai consulate said: "Both Hindu and Christian groups have expressed fear and outrage at the 'plot', while Muslim groups have felt the need to defend their co-religionists against the conspiracy theorists".

In a cable sent in February last year mentioned that though the ongoing police investigations in south India had cast doubt on the existence of a "love jihad", the recurring assertion of its existence, despite contrary evidence demonstrates the suspicion and intolerance that exist among some of the region's religious communities.

The report also said: “The Commission for Social Harmony and Vigilance of the Kerala Catholic Bishops Council had reported that there had been 2,868 female victims of love jihad in Kerala between 2006 and 2009. The panel had made several recommendations to parents through its newsletter, including a recommendation to monitor children's cellphones and computers, so that they can be better prepared to fight the phenomenon and resist charming young Muslim men involved in the scheme.” 

The cable, as disclosed by WikiLeaks, said that Sajan George was convinced that “there was a concerted effort in south India by some Muslim men to get Christian women to fall in love with them in order to convert them”. 

The Kerala high court had also taken note of the matter and had asked the police to investigate the cases of two college-going girls. The two girls were allegedly forced to convert to Islam after they married Muslim men.

Police in Kerala said that in most cases of love jihad, the victims were merely used as pawns in criminal activities. Many of the victims had no idea what they were getting into and often got into lured by the young men.

Added to all this, a controversial poster, warning against Muslim youth marrying and converting Hindu girls, appeared in the premises of the BJP headquarters in New Delhi. What’s surprising is the fact that the poster gave the instances of Bollywood actors Aamir Khan and Said Ali Khan who had married Hindu women, had children and then went for a divorce.  

"Wake up Hindus, wake up. Beware of Love Jihad," the poster warned, appealing to people to report such incidents, and provided an e-mail address and a mobile-phone number. 

Though the poster was later removed from the BJP office, it was allegedly put up by the radical Hindu outfit Bhagat Singh Kranti Sena, but advertised a group called the Anti-Love Jihad Front. Remember which is this Sena? Yes, rightly guessed. It’s the same outfit whose members had allegedly assaulted Team Anna member Prashant Bhushan some months ago and had protested against writer Arundhati Roy for their views on Kashmir!

Ok, let me come back to the term “Love Jihad”. It is also called as “Romeo Jihad”. It is an alleged activity under which some young Muslim boys and men reportedly target college girls belonging to non-Muslim communities for conversion to Islam by feigning love! While similar activities have been reported elsewhere, the term has been widely used to describe the activity in India.

Reports of similar activities have emerged from Pakistan, where Hindu and Sikh girls were targeted, and the United Kingdom. Targeted sexual offences and forced conversions of Hindu and Sikh girls was not a new phenomenon in the UK, said Ashish Joshio from Media Monitoring group. "This has been going on for decades in the UK. Young Muslim men have been boasting about seducing the Kaffir (unbeliever) women. The Hindu and the Sikh communities must be commended for showing both restraint and maturity under such provocation," he said.

Police in the UK are even working with universities to clamp down on "aggressive conversions" during which girls are beaten up and forced to abandon university courses. The problem was most common in cities such as Birmingham, Leeds and Bradford, while London universities had “at least two or three cases” each. 

Why would Muslim boys target non-Muslim girls? Ramesh Kallidai, from the Hindu Forum of Britain, estimated hundreds of girls had been targeted, with some reports of Muslim boys being offered £5,000 “commissions”.  The National Union of Students said it did not want to discriminate against Muslims but agreed some extremists were causing concern. They have managed to infiltrate Brunel University in West London, Bedfordshire University, Sheffield Hallam University and Manchester Metropolitan University, according to a Muslim charity.

Coming back to India, this activity has raised concerns in various Hindu and Christian organisations. On the other hand, Muslim organisations in Kerala have denied that any such activity is true.  

When some parts of the country were worried about this issue, investigations were conducted in 2009 in Kerala and Karnataka and the reports said that there were no such activities in the country.

In January 2012, Kerala police declared that Love Jihad was "[a] campaign with no substance" and brought legal proceeding against the website hindujagruti.org for "spreading religious hatred and false propaganda". What more to say, the issue successfully garnered the international attention.

Organisations and people alleged that love jihad was conducted in Kerala and Managalore, and Kerala Catholic Bishops Council claimed that up to 4,500 girls in Kerala have been targeted, whereas Hindu Janajagruti Samiti claimed that 30,000 girls have been converted in Karnataka alone. Not just that, even general secretary of Sree Narayana Dharma Paripalana said that there had been reports in Narayaneeya communities of love jihad attempts.

This activity, rather say the very term, became popular in September 2009, when the reports of two women from Pathanamthitta in Kerala were forced to convert to Islam after being lured by two Muslim men "feigning love". Initially, the women said their conversion was voluntary. However, subsequently - they were staying with their parents in the interim period on the court's orders - they claimed they were abducted and coerced to convert. The two men were reported to be members of Campus Front, a student outfit of the Popular Front of India, a conglomerate of Muslim organisations that is alleged to be engaged in radicalizing Muslims in south India.

What’s noteworthy is the fact that Christians, who have been in the crosshairs of the Hindu right-wing for their offer of "inducements" to convert Hindus to Christianity, have joined hands with Hindu right-wing organisations against the love jihadis!

When police have declined any such activity in the country, why are parents so scared? There’s a reason for this. Traditionally, marriages have been arranged by parents and this trend is slowly changing. Youngsters are increasingly choosing their own partners. They sometimes choose a partner who is from a different caste or sub-caste or sometimes different religion altogether. When parents don’t agree for such a mix marriage, youngsters don’t even think of convincing them, they defy rules, they defy parents and just elope to marry the person whom they have chosen as partner. Maybe it is this fear of losing control over their children which makes parents to get worried.

Why only non-Muslim parents are worried? There’s yet another reason for this. Muslim parents confine their daughters to homes or put them under a burqa. But non-Muslim parents have no other go but to keep themselves busy policing their daughters or thinking up of new ways and means to control them. Whatever it is, the issue is not going to die that sooner.   

Forced abortions in China

Pan Chunyan was grabbed from her grocery store when she was almost eight months pregnant with her third child. Men working for a local official locked her up with two other women, and four days later brought her to a hospital and forced her to put her thumbprint on a document saying she had agreed to an abortion. A nurse injected her with a drug.

“After I got the shot, all the thugs disappeared,” Ms. Pan, 31, said in a telephone interview from her home in the southeastern province of Fujian. “My family was with me again. I cried and hoped the baby would survive.”

But after hours of labor, the baby was born dead on April 8, “black and blue all over,” Ms. Pan said.

Recent reports of women being coerced into late-term abortions by local officials have thrust China’s population control policy into the spotlight and ignited an outcry among policy advisers and scholars who are seeking to push central officials to fundamentally change or repeal a law that penalizes families for having more than one child. Pressure to alter the policy is building on other fronts as well, as economists say that China’s aging population and dwindling pool of young, cheap labor will be a significant factor in slowing the nation’s economic growth rate.

“An aging working population is resulting in a labor shortage, a less innovative and less energetic economy, and a more difficult path to industrial upgrading,” said He Yafu, a demographics analyst. China’s population of 1.3 billion is the world’s largest, and the central government still seems focused on limiting that number through the one-child policy, Mr. He said. Abolishing the one-child policy, though, might not be enough to bring the birthrate up to a “healthy” level because of other factors, he said.

Beyond debate about the law itself, critics say that enforcement of the policy leads to widespread abuses, including forced abortions, because many local governments reward or penalize officials based on how well they keep down the population.

Judging from the talk on microblogs across China and articles in state-run newspapers on forced-abortion cases, the one-child policy is being questioned more widely than in recent years. Last month it came under sharp criticism from a group of scholars and policy advisers at a forum at Peking University co-organized by the National Bureau of Statistics to discuss the results of the 2010 census. Scholars at the meeting were outraged by the plight of Feng Jianmei, a victim of a forced late-term abortion in early June whose case became widely known after photographs of her dead 7-month-old fetus were posted on the Internet by a relative.

“I think the right to have children is the right of a citizen,” said Zhan Zhongle, a law professor at Peking University who has sent a petition signed by scholars and business executives to the National People’s Congress urging its members to repeal the law.

Officials have made changes to the policy over the years, and by one estimate there are now at least 22 ways in which parents can qualify for exceptions to the law. But the majority of adults remain bound by it, and there is no sign its repeal is in the works. The National People’s Congress, largely a rubber-stamp legislature, is unlikely to take up Mr. Zhan’s petition without support from the top levels of the Communist Party.

Still, some former officials and scholars instrumental in helping to formulate the original policy were at the forum, raising hopes among longtime critics that the concerns would be heard among members of the National Population and Family Planning Commission.

The diplomatic crisis in the spring over Chen Guangcheng has also brought more attention to the policy. Mr. Chen, a self-taught lawyer who recently escaped from house arrest and left for New York, is perhaps the most famous advocate for women who are forced to undergo sterilization and abortion; his work incurred the wrath of local officials, and the central government ignored his persecution in Shandong Province.

There are no reliable estimates on the number of forced sterilizations and abortions, but it does not seem to be as rampant as it was a decade or two ago. Still, the recent cases show overzealous enforcement of the one-child policy remains a problem. Xinhua, the state news agency, has reported that forcing pregnant women who are in their third trimester to abort is illegal.

Besides the concerns of lawyers and human rights advocates, economists and business executives have expressed anxiety about the impact of a slowing population growth rate on the economy. Liang Jianzhang, a well-known executive with a doctoral degree in economics from Stanford University, and Li Jianxin, a demographer at Peking University, have estimated that by 2040, the number of Chinese older than 60 would be 411 million, up from 171 million today. The working population — people between the ages of 20 and 60 — would drop to 696 million from 817 million today.

The 2010 national census shows that the average birthrate for a Chinese household is 1.181; it is lower in cities and higher in rural areas. There have been some studies, including a long-term experiment in a county in Shanxi Province where the family planning law was suspended, that show that families would not have many more children even if the law were abolished. Scholars say the reasons are rapid modernization and a mass movement toward urban areas — parents often say they cannot afford to have more than one or perhaps two children. This means not only that the one-child policy may no longer be necessary, but also that its repeal would not necessarily benefit the economy.

While more debate may be under way, the family planning commission itself continues to stand behind the one-child policy. It held a semiannual work conference on Thursday and posted a statement on its Web site afterward that praised the policy as having helped avoid 400 million births since it was put in place in 1980.

Starting in the 1980s, local officials who failed to meet a set standard of controlling population growth were generally penalized in their evaluations for promotion, no matter how well they did in other categories.

Mayling Birney, a scholar at the London School of Economics and Political Science who is studying the evaluation system, said many local officials say the population control quota remains among the so-called one-veto criteria for promotion and is about as significant a goal as maintaining stability or growing the local economy. “This pressure really comes from the higher government,” she said. “The actions of lower officials are very much driven by how higher officials are rewarding and punishing them.”

Some township government Web sites that give a breakdown of goals for officials list population control as a priority. In a survey Dr. Birney conducted last year, some officials said they could be given a warning, fined or even removed from office if they did not meet family planning targets.

Such is the case in Daji Township, said Ms. Pan, the woman forced to have the late-term abortion in April.

Ms. Pan, a resident of Daji, said Ma Yuyao, the head of the township’s family planning commission, “scores points for promotion” by keeping the population down. Many parents ready to pay the fine of $7,200 for a third child are still coerced or forced into having abortions to make sure targets are met, Ms. Pan said. (Daji is a rural area, and couples there are apparently allowed two children without penalty.)

Ms. Pan’s husband, Wu Liangjie, said the couple gave Mr. Ma $8,700, as he had demanded, but Mr. Ma still ordered the abortion.

Mr. Ma could not be reached for comment. A woman answering the telephone at the township government office said officials had no comment.

Mr. Wu traveled to Beijing several weeks ago to seek the advice of lawyers on filing a lawsuit. But in the last week, neither he nor Ms. Pan have answered their cellphones, raising suspicions that officials from Daji may have intimidated them.

Ms. Pan said earlier that men had begun following her after photographs of her in the hospital were posted by sympathizers on the Internet.

As for the future, she said she and her husband did not plan to try having another child again.

“We both feel like we almost died,” Ms. Pan said, “or lost half of our lives.”

(Source: The New York Times)

Love marriage? Then don't think of living in Asara

When times are changing and youngsters are choosing their own life partners, thanks to the influence of Bollywood romance and romantic songs and lived happily ever after concept, here’s a village which has literally said no to love marriages. To be more open, it has put a ban on love marriages! Weird, but yes, it’s true. When I came across this headline for a moment I giggled, but the very next moment I started thinking about the fate of the poor youth in that village, a village in the heart of rural India which is away from the skyscrapers of Metros.

Council leaders in Asara in Baghpat district of Uttar Pradesh, have openly said that they would not allow love marriages and those who did so, would not be allowed to live in the village.

Not to forget the fact that this tiny village is not far from the capital, it’s just 40 km (25 miles) from New Delhi!

In a slew of draconian measures, the local government officials have also imposed several restrictions on women, including prohibiting those under 40 from using mobile phones outside and going shopping alone. Not just women, even men are restricted from from using headphones/ earphones on roads and in bylanes.
What's more ridiculous is the councilors have also ordered women to cover their heads when they go outside. Why such an order? They claim they are meant to check harassment! What on earth made them think that slapping restrictions on women can control crime rate? Will these restrictions really safeguard women in the village?

Another point to be noted is 70 per cent villagers are Muslims while 30 per cent are Hindus, most of them Jats. And while the media has dubbed this decision as ‘Taliban Panchayat’, most villagers have welcomed the orders.

The village panchayat’s order not to take or give dowry which is a punishable offence is a welcoming rule.
India is striving to modernize and is yet to come out of the shackles of conservative social traditions in many areas where women’s rights are non-existent. And as such, maybe there’s some reason when villagers consider love marriages as a shame. They think such marriages can damage the family prestige and bring shame to the society. The villagers might be thinking that their new rules would safeguard their women from bad elements in society. Yes, it’s true that it can be very painful for the parents, especially for a girl’s family, when love marriages dent their respectability, but what these villagers are forgetting is the very fact that she too has feelings and choice, after all it is she who has to live her life with the man.

What one has to keep in mind is though Panchayats don’t enjoy any constitutional powers and
their rulings don’t carry any legal weight, they are highly influential. How can anyone forget when they sanction “honour killings” of women whose actions are deemed to have brought shame on their family?

In June 2012, marble miner Oghad Singh in Rajasthan, paraded his 20-year-old daughter’s severed head through his village. He beheaded Manju Kunwar, as he was upset with her way of life and “indecent behaviour” and surrendered to authorities. Why did he do so? The 20-year-old had been living with her parents in the Rajasthani village of Dungarji, 250 miles from Jaipur, after leaving her husband two years ago and recently began seeing several men which "disgusted" her father. When Manju eloped with one man two weeks ago, her father forced her to return and killed her.

Oghad Singh

Interestingly, India last month topped the Thomas Reuters Foundation poll as the worst place for a woman to live, out of the top 19 economies in the world and this village ruling has come at a time when police in Mumbai have launched a crackdown on the city’s morals. In recent weeks, Mumbai police have raided a series of bars and clubs, shutting them down or fining them for being overcrowded. Dozens of women have been arrested in the raids, accused of being prostitutes, leading to protest marches across the city.

Pakistan wedding rush to beat new UK visa laws

Tough new visa rules have sparked a wedding rush in Pakistan with couples racing to beat a deadline for bringing husbands and wives to Britain.

In the first week of July, wedding halls, English classes and immigration consultants said they had all seen a surge in people preparing for new lives in the UK.

They were trying to beat rules which came into force on July 9 setting a minimum income of £18,600 a year for anyone hoping to bring a foreign spouse into the country from outside Europe – an increase of about £5000 for most applicants.

The spike in applications has seen visa processing times double in some cases – from 12 to 24 weeks – as the UK Border Agency struggles to cope with the numbers, according to its website.

Nowhere has seen more intense activity than Mirpur, a Kashmiri town which supplied hundreds of thousands of migrants to work in the UK during the 1960s.

Zahra, who asked that her name be changed for fear it might prejudice her visa application, said her family had no choice but to bring wedding plans forward from the autumn.

"My parents wanted me to marry a good man in Manchester with a good job but even he doesn't earn enough," she said.

"We knew these rules were coming so we had to get organised. It meant getting married in the heat of summer but it will be worth it if it means I can move to England."

Arshad Hussein Shah said his eight wedding halls had seen a 75 per cent increase in activity in the month leading up to July 9.

"These were mostly couples who said they wanted to get married in time to be able to go to UK," he told The Daily Telegraph.

The Office of National Statistics says net migration to the UK is at a record high of 250,000 people each year, a figure ministers have promised to cut to below 100,00 by the next election.

From October next year, applicants from outside the European Economic Area will also have to pass a "life in the UK" test and present an English language qualification.

Prominent British Pakistanis have spoken out about the new rules, complaining they will disrupt life for families split between the two countries.

More than a million people of Pakistani origin already live in the UK.

Sohail Sajid, a lawyer and immigration consultant in Islamabad, said many Britons with roots in Pakistan were finding their intended husbands and wives would struggle with the new language and salary requirements.

"They felt it has become next to impossible," he said. "People are very concerned about this."

The squeeze will be felt in many towns in the region and in Kashmir, where entire generations upped and left for a better life in the UK. Many family homes in towns such as Mirpur are built with wage packets sent from the UK and shops even display prices in Sterling.

Ali Raza, managing director of the UK College of English Language, said 35 students had enrolled for courses in June – 50 per cent more than usual.

“Everybody wanted to complete a quick English course and obtain certificates to file immigration papers,” he said.

(Source: The Telegraph)

Akshaya Tritiya: Hotbed of child marriages

On the auspicious day of 'Akshaya Tritiya', thousands of child brides become victims of early marriage in India.

"I am one of those unfortunate Hindu women whose hard lot is to suffer the unnameable miseries entailed by the custom of early marriage. This wicked practice of child marriage has destroyed the happiness of my life. It comes between me and the things which I prize above all others - study and mental cultivation. Without the least fault of mine, I am doomed to seclusion; every aspiration of mine to rise above my ignorant sisters is looked down upon with suspicion and is interpreted in the most uncharitable manner..."

- Extract from a letter written by a woman named Rukhmabai to The Times of India on June 26, 1885, reproduced in Child Marriage in India: Socio-legal and Human Rights Dimensions, by Jaya Sagade (Oxford University Press, 2005). 

This is not just the case of one Rukhmabai. There are hundreds of thousands of Rukhmabais who fall victim to early marriage. In fact, UNICEF's State of the World's Children 2012 report says that more than 40 per cent of the world's child marriages happen in India.

More than 60 million women across the world now aged between 20 and 24 years were married before they turned 18. Even though the extent of early marriage varies from countries and regions, the highest rate is found in West Africa, followed by South Asia.

"About half the girls in early marriage live in Southeast Asia," the WHO said in the Geneva meet last month.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the chair of The Elders, who was in Bihar, India, in February 2012, said that child marriage is "a practice that robs millions of girls of their childhood, their rights and their dignity. I find it astounding that this issue does not receive far greater attention. Together, we and our partners commit to working together to end it."

The numbers are different in urban versus rural areas. According to the Union health ministry's Family Welfare Statistics 2011, "for every woman aged below 18 getting married in urban centres, three women are getting married in rural areas". Read more...

Maternal deaths drop, but progress is slow

With one woman dying every 90 seconds in childbirth, attaining zero maternal mortality looks like a distant dream. 

Hawa, a 21-year-old woman, had been in labour for three days before she was finally referred to the hospital in Jowhar, 18 kilometres from her village, in Somalia. She was examined by medical staff and diagnosed with obstructed labour and foetal distress.

Much time was wasted in getting the consent of her relatives, and doctors performed a caesarean and a distressed baby boy was delivered, needing resuscitation. Fortunately, Hawa and her baby survived the entire ordeal, according to a report - Maternal Death: The Avoidable Crisis - released by Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) or Doctors without Borders, on March 9.

Binta, 16, was brought to Jahun General Hospital in Nigeria after trying to deliver for two days at home. Her labour was obstructed, but doctors were able to do a vacuum delivery and Binta safely gave birth to her first child. "I was so tired from being in labour for so long that I couldn’t push anymore. If I had not been able to come to the hospital, I would have suffered and the end result would have been death for both me and my baby," Binta told MSF.

These are two instances of the ordeals women experience, particularly in developing countries, where they face the threat of maternal deaths which experts consider "preventable". Read more...

When the child custody dispute haunts divorced couples (Part II)

Losing the identity

Leela had lost her identity the day she entered that family. Her in-laws had given her a different name and told her that it was a lucky name for her! When she told me about how she was called by Lalitha, a new, different name, I couldn't stop laughing at her. Leela had not just been called by a new name, but she had lost her own identity, the name her parents had given her was completely gone, she was identified by her new name and called by it by not only her new family, but also by her new relatives!

Leela’s pain knew no limits, but she couldn't even share them with her husband, as he would never trust her. He was a loyal son, but not a loyal husband. Sanjay would even beat or kill her if his parents asked him to do... He had no mind or heart of his own, his brain worked according to his parents and he danced to their tunes, he was a mere puppet in his parents' hands.

Leela couldn't stop herself from telling her pain to her mother and brother when one day her mother-in-law gave her the food kept for dog. She openly told her to adjust, as she cannot cook food! Yes, Leela was made to eat the stale food which was kept in the fridge for a day or two. That day, she was made to realise her position in that family... She felt the need to find a job for herself.

Wondering why she didn't go for work? Leela was denied to practice at home and was merely treated as a servant and the fact became obvious when her unmarried, younger brother-in-law, Rakesh (name changed) once told his mother that he would unleash the dog if any patients come in search of treatment to their house!

Her mother-in-law who had not even passed her high school had a different attitude. She couldn't digest the fact that her daughters-in-law were well educated and could earn very well, in fact better than her own sons... Even though she was expecting, Leela didn't think twice to find a job, as it was suffocating to stay the whole day, doing the service of her in-laws and the unmarried brother-in-law Rakesh.

Leela went to her parents' house when she was five months pregnant and fortunately, they gave her jewels for the pre-baby shower ceremony. Maybe her in-laws expected that she would give them back after the function. But by that time, Leela had realised how greedy they were and could do anything for gold and money.

She had even come to know that her in-laws had kept the jewels of one of their relatives' daughter-in-law, who was a young widow, in their custody. They had not even allowed that young widow to remarry. She was made to spend her life with her two small children with her in-laws! My friend's in-laws even hated the idea of giving back the jewels of that widow too...

Dowry in the name of tradition

After Leela went for the delivery, her in-laws continued asking her and her parents to return her jewels and they cited tradition and custom that the girl should give all her things to her husband and in-laws. When she refused to give, her in-laws and Sanjay abused her, using all the wrong words, in front of the hospital staff and she was made to cry for hours immediately after the delivery. The fact that she had a caesarean and needed rest didn’t get the importance in front of the gold jewels she owned.

Slowly, the gap between the husband and the wife increased, thanks to her in-laws. Even while Leela was staying with them, they didn’t allow her to speak with Sanjay over the phone, all she could speak to him was just checking how he was and informing him that she was fine! Her mother-in-law kept a constant watch on what my friend talked to her husband and never allowed her to have any lengthy conversations with him.

Given the time period she spent with her husband, Leela hardly got any time for understanding him. Within three months of her wedding, she was pregnant and her husband was living away from her. When they met, only his hands spoke on her body and never his mouth!

Later, Leela was told that Prerana had purposefully not gone to see her and the newborn. Her in-laws never told her that Prerana was in the hospital because of them... But the fact was they had not even informed Prerana about the delivery!

Moreover, Leela was told that Prerana purposefully didn’t come for the ‘choroonu’ ceremony -- the first rice giving ceremony of a child -- held at Guruvayur, when in fact, her father-in-law openly told her and Vikram not to attend it… All this was just to create a riff between the two women and unfortunately, Leela didn’t understand it at all. After the birth of her son Ravi, slowly the torture also increased. For every small issue, they created ruckus.

New life, new pain

After three months when Leela returned to her in-laws’ house, within a week’s time, she was sent to join her husband in Bangalore. Her joy knew no limits, thinking about the life lying ahead of her. Husband, she and a son, what more could have she expected for a happily ever after life. But it didn’t take too many days to realize that all that was mere dream, a daydream, a castle she had built in the wind.

Once Leela reached Bangalore, her life was literally trapped inside four walls. All her day was spent in looking after the child, cooking, washing the clothes, cleaning the house. She became a mere parrot in the cage, a dumb, speechlees parrot, a wingless parrot. She waited for her husband to come back from work and by the time he returned it used to be 8 pm and she forgot how the outer world looked like.

Slowly, Sanjay started drinking and beating her. She bore the abuse silently, as she was the mother of a kid now and not alone. When the physical torture increased, she made up her mind and informed her parents. Her parents came and took her and the child back with them. Sanjay didn’t feel repentful by his action, when asked, his parents supported his action.

His mother said: “To control her, he beats her, what’s wrong in that?” Leela’s parents were shocked to know the fact that how uncultured people they were. Her husband completely cut off the contacts with her and stopped calling her. He didn’t even bother to enquire how the little kid was.

When things lead to divorce

Maybe life would have gone like that had Sanjay, his father and his uncle came asking her to return the chain and clothes given to the kid on the 28^th day ceremony. Among Malayalis, 28^th day from the birth of a newborn, the naming ceremony is conducted. During this ceremony, it is the custom for a guy’s parents to give a chain and clothes to the child. Leela’s husband went with his family to get back that chain which was given to her son on the 28^th day.

After they asked her to return the chain, Leela realized the fact that they do not want to continue the relationship and decided to file for divorce. What could hurt a mother more than such an incident?

To add salt to the wounds, they even demanded Leela to return the toys and clothes presented to the kid by their relatives, and even friends! They fought the case in the court and by mutual agreement, got the divorce. Surprising and shocking off all these was Prerana didn’t even know that there was a divorce! She and her parents are kept in dark about the whole incident. And I will write about Prerana and her suffering at the hands of Sanjay and Vikaram’s parents in another post, keep watching.  

Leela got her freedom from her torturers and later felt that she did a mistake by not filing a criminal case against her husband and in-laws. Had she filed a dowry harassment case against them, they would have been behind the bars for minimum 15 years. She accepted a paltry sum of Rs 5 lakh and signed the divorce papers. She didn’t bother about the money aspect, as she had got the permanent custody of her child.

Sanjay and his parents had agreed for the permanent custody and had mutually agreed to meet the kid once in a week. While taking back the managalsutra on the day of the divorce, Sanjay’s mother had taken a goldsmith along with her to check if the chain and the thali were genuine! She wanted to confirm if the thaali was genuine and said in front of the lawyers that she had bought the thaali and the chain from Malabar Gold Jewellers.

Single mother, new responsibility

Now, she is single mother, happily living with her parents and working in a reputed hospital. But that happiness couldn’t remain for more months after the divorce. She came to know that Sanjay’s parents were searching a bride for him, for the second marriage. And now, earlier this month, Sanjay has filed a case against Leela seeking interim custody of the child.

And funnily, he has stated in the case that he’s very rich and is well settled in Bangalore. He thinks that Bangalore is the best city for the child’s education and his parents are ready to move to Bangalore to look after the child. Not just that, he also has said that his second brother is well settled abroad and the last brother is a well settled techie!

Funny to know how does the economic status of his brothers make Sanjay a rich man, a well settled man. A person who can’t even look after himself with his meager salary, now wants the custody of his child. Not because he loves the child, but he can’t see Leela to move on, he can’t digest the fact that a single mother can bring up a child without his support.  

I don’t understand why Sanjay or his parents are not understanding that a mother can look after her child, no matter how difficult situation and circumstances she faces. Maybe they will never understand that they are getting the curses and tears of two mothers, one Leela’s and the other Leela’s mother’s.

How can Sanjay and his parents ever live happily, peacefully? Will not the guilt haunt them to their death? Will not the tears and curses of a suffering woman bother them? Maybe not, as the greed for wealth is so much that nothing bothers them, nothing stops them.

All I wish now is at least Vikarm realizes that who’s fake and who’s true and who would risk it all for him. After seeing Leela, now nothing surprises me, no people surprise me. I wish sooner or the later he sees the original face of his brothers and parents and live a happily ever after life with Prerana.  

Why not a rebel, a feminist?

It will not be surprising if another rebel, another feminist takes birth in Leela or Prerana. I would love to see a rebel, a feminist in them, who oppose oppression, who help other women to come out of oppression, for they have seen all it, they have suffered all it and they know how to tackle situations and help women come out of it and build a new life, with lots and lots of hopes and fresh dreams.

Now, don’t start thinking why am I talking about feminism all of a sudden. When people brand women as feminists and rebels, why don’t they just stop and think why did they become one? Why not put in the shoes of those “feminists” and see for themselves? Feel for themselves?

Not everybody wants to be branded and separated from the common group. How can anybody who has experienced what Leela or Prerana have gone through in their life to be normal? Why can’t and why shouldn’t be feminists?

Here, I’m using the term feminists in a broader perspective, because I can’t forget the fact that Leela’s mother-in-law was also a woman and she feels empowered controlling and suppressing her daughters-in-law. So a feminist here I mean, one who opposes the oppression, questions the male authority, and sometimes female authority as required, and establishes her own mark in the society, in the family, in the life.

Most of the women, often end up becoming feminists after the wedding. Reason? Ever thought of even thinking the reason behind it? Just merely calling them rebels or feminists will not help you get the answer. Many dream of a happily married ever after ending of the novel or story or film they have come across in their adulthood, weave so many dreams, imagine life would be like that, like this. They think sapnon ka rajkumar will come and life will be a bed of roses. And it takes a while to realize that it was a castle in the wind and very soon, all the dreams shatter.

When sacrifices, compromises go in vain

The umpteen number of compromises and scarifices go in vain. The more and more we, women compromise, the more and more we start getting hurt. And sometimes, it so happens that the family members, including the rajkumar of our life, fail to understand our emotions. Every time, we try to please them and keep saying “sorry” in the hope that we may have hurt them by any chance. They fail to understand that when we say sorry to them, it's not meant that we are wrong and they are right. It is all about the importance we give to a relationship more than our ego and this simple fact goes unnoticed!

Why do men, and their parents, refuse to allow the women to choose how to live? Allow them to make changes instead of giving excuses. Why not motivate them in all efforts instead of manipulating things? Make them feel useful instead of giving them the insecure feeling of being used? Help them to excel in life, not compete with other members in the family. Allow them to choose their self-esteem and put a stop when they self-pity. More importantly, realize that they have all the freedom to listen to their inner voice and not to your random opinions and advices.

If the man and the family members of the man realize a simple fact that family isn't always blood and it's the people in your life who want you in theirs, the one who accept you for who you are, the ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what, a woman can live a happily ever after life, she need not become a rebel, a feminist who will want to raise her voice, who demands her voice to be heard, who wants to question the authority and atrocity of in-laws. Utopia? Then, checking women from becoming rebels and feminists after their weddings is also a distant dream.

We women are strong because we are weak, we are beautiful because we know our flaws, we are lovers because we are fighters, we are fearless because we have been afraid, we are wise because we have been foolish... and we can laugh because we have known sadness. At the end of the day, people shouldn’t forget that after everything, still we try to put a bold face. We always tell ourselves, we may not be there yet, but one day or the other, we will get there, no matter what it takes, we will get there. For, we often refuse to let the trivial things of today weigh down our tomorrow!

At the end, let me make things clear, it is not that I'm against Malayalis or their customs and traditions, what I'm against is just their greed and lust for gold. It is not just Malayalis who are taking dowry and it is not just Malayalis who torture brides and daughters-in-law for dowry. There are many other friends who are not Malayalis and yet have gone through the ordeal. Since Leela is a Malayali, I have just given the instances of a few other friends who have been harassed by Malayali in-laws. Definitely it's not something which is meant to show Malayalis in a poor light and I'll shortly come up with stories of other friends, who have suffered because of this ugly dowry system, in the next posts. And yes, it will need more time for me to come up with other posts on those issues...   

When the child custody dispute haunts divorced couples (Part I)

This came as a great shocking news. I couldn’t control my anger or feeling when I came to know that one of my friends’ former husband has filed a case against her for the custody of her child. Yes, my friend Leela (name changed to protect the identity) was tortured by her husband Sanjay (name changed to protect the identity) and in-laws for dowry and she had no other go, but to get a divorce from him. Let me give some background about Leela who underwent all the pain…

She is a doctor and was married to Sanjay, the first son of a family. Before the wedding, she and her family were told a lie that Sanjay was earning handsome, a five digit salary, while he was earning only three digit salary. The Sanjay’s family even hid the fact from Leela’s family that the second son was already engaged and they told about it only after the wedding cards were printed, only 15 days before the marriage.

Before the marriage they refused to take any dowry, but the avarice for the newly married bride's jewels started coming up soon after the wedding. Leela was treated like a servant, made to wash everybody's clothes, clean the dishes, clean the house.

Didn't I mention that her husband's younger brother Vikram (name changed) was engaged earlier? Yes, their wedding took place in a week's time. Sanjay’s mother was very smart, rather call cunning, that she made it sure to use the same divide and rule policy between the two newly married girls – Leela and her sister-in-law Prerana (name changed).

Divide and rule

She compared and contrasted between them and lauded and criticised each girl in front of the other, making both the girls to feel jealous, bad and envious about the other. And the girls never understood their in-laws' tactics, till one fine day. While that realisation came for Leela within two years, it took nearly four- and- a- half years to realise for Prerana.

Ok, leave that. Let me come to the main point of how she was harassed and tortured for dowry. Soon after the wedding, Leela’s in- laws took all her jewels, let me tell you not 10 or 20 grams, nearly 500 grams, yes half kilogram, to their custody.

Did I mention that god knows from where and how this custom among Malayalis developed, they demand minimum one kilogram of gold from the bride's parents during the wedding. I have so many Malayali friends who have given all their jewels to their in-laws and have lost them. Let me tell you a few of them.

Saakshi’s story

One of my friends Saakshi (name changed), a Kannadiga, who was married to a Malayali brahmin lost all her jewels to her mother-in-law. Saakshi is the younger daughter and since she had lost her mother, all her mother's jewels were given to my friend during her wedding.

Saakshi trusted her mother-in-law and handed over all her jewels before leaving for Bangalore. Whenever she used to attend the functions in Kerala, she was given one or two pieces to wear and she was denied access to her own jewellery. Later, Saakshi was speechless and nearly heart-broken when she found all her jewels on her sister-in-law, the new bride.

Saakshi was consoled by her mother-in-law that she would get back them after the wedding and they never returned! Saakshi’s sister-in-law took all the jewels of my friend and constant fights happened between her and her husband, but in vain. Till now, she has not got back any of her jewels.

Kala’s sufferings
Then there is Kala (name changed), another friend, also a Kannadiga, married to a Nair. Since we had warned her in the beginning itself, Kala took care of her jewels and didn't lose any of them to her in-laws. But I know how she was continuously harassed for the jewels for more than four years of her wedding, to the extent that her in-laws even put a pressure on their son to divorce her! 

Unable to bear the pressure, Kala's husband made her to give the five sarees which were given by his parents to her during the wedding. Surprisingly, they didn't take her mangalsutra! Maybe they would have, had she given it back ;)

When in-laws pledge even managalsutra

When it comes to taking away the managalsutra I should mention another incident. There is this journo friend, Tara (name changed), who is a Kannadiga and is married to a Malayali guy settled abroad. One day while chatting, Tara told me: "These b@$$&# Mallus can kill anybody and everybody for gold."

I couldn't control my laugh at her humour while we were discussing about a serious issue like dowry harassment. Then I realised that it was like a comic relief in the Greek tragedies, Shakespearean tragedies, or call whichever tragedies. Tara wanted to make the scene lighter when there was a hot discussion on a hot topic!

Being the lone daughter, her parents her given lots of gold for her wedding, as her in-laws asked no dowry, but asked them to put lot of gold according to Malayali tradition and do a grand wedding. Hmm I remember it was very grand enough and later I came to know that they had spent over Rs 15 lakh for the wedding, that too imagine, four years ago!

 Then they even gave Rs 10 lakh for her visa so that she could join her husband abroad. And before going abroad, Tara’s in-laws took all her jewels, including mangalsutra. Even she didn't listen to her parents who advised her not to give all her jewels to her in-laws, but the newly married girl was so blind in the love of her husband that she blindly trusted his parents and gave them everything silently.

After one year, when Tara returned home for a vacation, she came across an ugly truth. Her father-in-law had lost pledged her mangalsutra to play betting and lost it! And angered by it, when Tara asked her mother-in-law to return her jewels, she refused to give the locker keys.

Continuous fights with her husband for another year, at last got her the locker keys, but she didn't get all her jewels, as some were misused by her in-laws. And when enquired, they said all that she had kept were only that many and they don't know anything about them!

Deepika’s love

Another friend who is a journo, Deepika (name changed) dated a Malayali guy for two years and he just disappeared from her life all because his mother threatened to end her life if he married a Kannadiga. The issue was not that she was not a Malayali, but she would not get kilos and kilos of gold with her.

Deepika didn’t even realize that the guy was greedy like any other Malayali even when used to ask that he like Hyundai Accent and he would like to have it as his wedding gift. He had invited my friend to his elder sister’s wedding, not just to show his family, but also to make her aware that how Malayali weddings are conducted and how brides should wear kilos and kilos of gold from head to toe!

It’s a different matter that Deepika realized the fact that he left her because she would not take so much of gold with her for the wedding, through one of their common friends.

Seetha’s catches

It will be unjust if I don’t mention about Deepika’s boyfriend’s elder sister Seetha, who was fortunately or unfortunately my roommate when I went to Bangalore for the first time. She literally tried to search a guy for herself who was not a Malayali. She flirted with a Kannadiga from Mysore, who was literally in love with her, but later she dumped him after realizing that he was not from a well-to do family.

In between she kept in contact with one of her old boyfriends, who was also her classmates and was hurt by him long back. She tried like anything to convince him to marry her and he was too smart to fall into her trap. Then, she moved on to a North Indian guy. She flirted with him for about a month or two and confessed her love to him and he openly told on her face that he would marry the girl whom his parents agree and they were already looking for one!

And surprisingly, Seetha had even told me a lie that she was the younger daughter, while in fact she was the elder one! Then she had no other go but to accept a proposal accepted by her parents. Though not interested, she married a techie from her own caste, from her own state, but settled in Bangalore.

Later, she opposed the wedding of Deepika to her brother for the sheer reason that Deepika was not a Malayali and would not bring lots of gold along with her. But her greed didn’t allow to settle peacefully with her husband also. She kept on dreaming of settling in London, as most of her relatives were settled there.

Plus, later I came to know another bitter truth that her past haunted her and her husband came to know about all those things and decided to divorce her. Then, it didn’t take many days to get her another guy and she was remarried and settled in London. Don’t know how she is now and what she’s doing.

Seetha often used to tell me that Malayali girls love to marry outsiders, because they don’t wish to burden their parents, whereas Malayali boys will never wish to marry an outsider, because they do not want to lose the huge dowry she gets with her!

Loyal son, not loyal husband

Okie, let me come back to the original story, what I was telling from the beginning. When Leela was given an old saree to wear the very second day of her wedding, she was in full tears, at the plight of her life in the new family. And unfortunately, she was not even allowed to live with her husband, as Sanjay worked in Bangalore. She was made to live with her in- laws and wait for her hubby, who used to visit her once a month for two days!

Being a doctor, I wondered why did Leela even agree to stay back and waste her educational qualification, but it was the decision of her in- laws and Sanjay had no say in it. He was a Sravanakumara, Rama in following the words of his parents, his blind love towards his parents was so strong that he never felt like taking the side of his wife. If his parents said that the child was not his, he was even ready to believe that!

Leela never realised that her husband was creating trouble in the family life of his brother Vikram also. Even after the wedding, he didn't stop borrowing money from Vikram, what else could have he done, he and his parents had told a lie that Sanjay was earning very well and was leading a luxurious life in Bangalore!

Had she found a friend in her sister-in-law

Then, one fine day, after three months of their wedding, Leela came to Bangalore to be with Sanjay for two days. She even visited Vikram's place and was happy to know that they are happily living away from her in-laws.

She couldn't say much to her sister-in-law about the pain or torture she was undergoing back home. All she could say was: "You are very lucky to live with your husband. It is very difficult to live away from my husband, but I can't help it."

Prerana tried to know the reason and Leela changed the topic, for she thought it was not wise on her part to discuss her personal life. I wish she had opened up there and then itself, maybe the amount of pain she underwent after that would have been reduced, if not completely checked.

Leela could have found a friend, who would have stood up to her, who would have given her a shoulder to cry, but the ego came in between in such a way that she didn't even try to open up or search a friend. Or maybe the poison her in-laws had filled in her head and mind was overwhelming to give space for any other thoughts, space to look out for a friend in her own sister-in- law.

Leela forgot the fact that Prerana too had come from an outside family and she too was trying to adjust to Vikram's family. Or maybe she thought her sister-in-laws was more happier, as it was a love marriage! Leela didn't know the fact that her in-laws had not agreed for the wedding for two years and it was only after they threatened that they would go for a registered marriage, that her in-laws agreed for the marriage.

Sadly, Leela had not even known another truth that even though it was a love marriage, her in-laws were torturing Prerana also for dowry! Even though she had a clue that something was not alright between her in-laws and Prerana even before the wedding, she didn’t give much thought into it. She had seen how her mother-in-law had not bought any sarees for Prerana and Vikram had to fight with his mom to buy new sarees for his would-be wife.

After continuous fights, his mother had agreed to buy sarees and bought them just two days before the wedding! Leela didn’t even know another truth that her sister-in-law was discriminated when it came to the jewels given by her mother-in-law, a custom among Malayalis. Yes, they give a bangle and a chain along with a saree for the bride during the wedding.

When smiles hide the pain

Leela never realised that even her sister-in-law had fights, her own problems with the family and her in-laws and all was not well. She didn't even understand that all was not well even after coming to know that Prerana had suffered a miscarriage and she was not even told by her in-laws about that!

And every time, Prerana tried to keep an eternal smile on her face and tried to behave normal, usual. And Leela failed, often failed, or maybe never even made any attempt to see that Prerana’s smiles hid her deepest secrets, deepest pain, her eyes never showed to her or the world that they have cried the most tears and her heart has felt the most pain. And people, including her relatives and friends, went by her smiles and thought she is living a romantic, happily ever after life!

Then Leela went to the office of her husband where she found her man flirting with his female colleagues. When she retorted, Sanjay dubbed her as a villager and told her that it was a part of socialising and she would never understand it. Even though she felt very odd about his behaviour, she took it the right spirit and forgot all about it. How can she keep all that in her mind and ruin her own happiness? She had gone all the way from Kerala to Bangalore just to be with him and spend some quality time with him?

After returning home, Leela’s mother-in-law was curious to know how her second daughter-in-law was, was she quick in cooking, doing household work, blah blah blah. When she came to know that Prerana was good in cooking and household works, she couldn't digest it. She used to criticize her in front of Leela.

And after a few days, Leela came to know that she was expecting and knew no limits for the happiness and joy. But in between, whenever there were functions and weddings, she was denied to wear her own jewels, she was literally at the mercy of her in-laws. (To be continued...)